Painkiller for Trade Week

Hockey's over for the summer, but there's still a lot going on in Penguins Nation. There are the optimistic reports: Sidney Crosby's working out twice a day, like he did in summers before the concussion! Evgeni Malkin's healing up from his ACL surgery really well! Dan Bylsma swears he's working on the power play! The Philadelphia Flyers finally got a decent goalie, but jettisoned their best forwards to pay for him!

Then there are the moments when we realize how different our own team will look very soon. Tyler Kennedy became an unrestricted free agent today, after writing his resume late last season. Max Talbot turned down an offer from Ray Shero. Rumors of Jaromir Jagr's possible return have longtime fans getting jumpy. And as I write, something else may have happened.

So. We need something good and strong. Something to take away the pain we'll be feeling as we refresh Twitter and our favorite Pittsburgh Penguins forums the next few days. I can't think of anything better than the Painkiller, a terrific tiki classic. The following is the traditional recipe, though the proportions of the non-liquor ingredients can be played with to make a stronger or weaker (and still quite tasty) drink.

Painkiller

2 ounces dark rum
4 ounces pineapple juice
1 ounce coconut cream
1 ounce orange juice

Shake with a few ice cubes, then strain into an tall glass filled with ice. Sprinkle ground nutmeg on top.

If you feel like working a little harder, I've been enjoying this rum-infused Painkiller sorbet as well.

NOTE ON INGREDIENTS: The original recipe calls specifically for Pusser's dark rum. I don't endorse any brand, and have had no problem with other brands. Fresh orange juice is also recommended, but it's hard to come by this time of year. Any good not-from-concentrate orange juice with a bit of pulp will work.

Driver 14

"Stupid risks are what make life worth living."--Homer Simpson

Yes, this is still a hockey blog. But it's also still off-season. Many hockey fans coped with summer by turning to baseball (not fun for Pittsburgh sports fans). Some enjoyed the World Cup. Some are thrilled that football's back. And then there are a few of us who like NASCAR, meaning that we always get to watch at least one sport we enjoy.

I was a NASCAR fan first--took me a couple of years to stop referring to a hard check into the boards as "putting him into the wall"--and the love of my sports-watching life is Tony Stewart. Yesterday he had one of the strongest cars at the Loudon, New Hampshire race track. He came painfully close to winning, but he and his crew had taken a gamble on fuel, and he ran out on lap 298. Unfortunately, it was a 300-lap race, and stupid Clint Bowyer won it. Stewart came in 26th at 5 mph on fumes. Of the 12 drivers eligible to win the Sprint Cup championship this year, Stewart starts the Chase for the Championship, a/k/a "playoffs", in 11th place. Y'all better believe I cried.

I like many of the same things about the Penguins and Tony Stewart. Stewart thrives on adversity, even if he has to make it himself. His face is easier to read than the Cat in the Hat, a quality I also love about Sidney Crosby. He's quirky and funny. He'll piss me off, break my heart in three places, make me shake my head, but never, ever bore me. And then there are those lovely occasions when he cuts the bullshit, summons up his abundance of natural talent, and wins big. That makes days like yesterday worth it.

How boring would it be to watch a driver, player, or team who didn't make you sick occasionally? If you don't want your emotions taken from the mountaintop to the ocean floor and back, don't watch Tony Stewart or the Penguins. Don't watch racing or hockey, for that matter. Try Dancing with the Stars or some lame nonsense like that instead.

Oh, yes, and there's a recipe. This is what I've been drinking most weekends this summer. Who else would I name it after?

Driver 14

About 5-6 ounces cherry soda (Boylan's, Cheerwine, and Dr. Brown's are good)
2 ounces Captain Morgan Lime Bite
Lime wedge
Crushed ice

Half-fill a large tumbler with crushed ice. Pour in the rum, then the soda. Stir gently. Squeeze juice from lime wedge into drink.

Next post is about pre-season hockey--hell yeah!!!!

Housecleaning

Hockey's coming back! The Penguins are coming back! No, really! So I decided to organize my blog a little bit better, update my links list, and finally make my logo grammatically correct. If you think I should link to your blog or someone else's, please let me know.

The roster's not completely set yet, but there will be some changes. We say goodbye to several players, with varying degrees of enthusiasm: Mark Eaton, Sergei Gonchar, Bill Guerin (okay, I keened over him for a day on my Twitter account, don't judge me), Jordan Leopold, and Alexei Ponikarovsky. The drinks I named after them are under the "past Penguins" tag.

We say hello to Arron Asham (several tomato juice baths and a Little Tree around his neck will help with the Flyer stink), Paul Martin, and Zbynek Michalek. I look forward to getting inspired by them, and any other new additions to come. Also, I completely forgot to name one after Alex Goligoski! I'll be fixing that next season.

While you wait and bite your nails, maybe you'd like a drink. This milkshake is nice and cold while it's hot outside, but uses good autumn-y flavors.

Taste of Hockey Season

1 scoop black walnut ice cream (butter pecan will do if you have to)
2 ounces bourbon
1 ounce milk
1 tablespoon pure maple syrup (maple/agave blend is a cheaper substitute)

Pour all ingredients into blender; blend until everything's mixed. Pour into a glass and drink immediately.

This one is perhaps a bit better for you, but it's cool and tasty and has an excellent green color.

Summer Street Hockey

1/2 cucumber, peeled
1 cup honeydew melon, in chunks
2 ounces light/white rum
1 ounce Midori melon liqueur
Handful of ice cubes

Blend all ingredients in blender until everything's the same consistency. Pour and drink immediately.

Hockey and Cupcakes--What Else Do You Need?

Even though it's mid-July, cupcakes and hockey dominated my Twitter timeline late last week. The New York Islanders, who I really want to stay in the area just because I hate the Rangers so so much and don't want them to be the only hockey team in town, gave a local businesswoman a contract to sell cupcakes during games. Other hockey teams' fans made fun, but they're probably just jealous. You don't get tons of food choices in a hockey arena.

I can't have their cupcakes (although I'm certain a few will be thrown at me and L'Ailee's direction should we show up in Pittsburgh Penguins gear next season.) I can't have most cupcakes, because they contain eggs and I'm allergic to them. However, I could indulge in the Twitter hashtag trend that inevitably resulted. I tend to indulge in lots of Twitter hashtag trends. Oh, there was lots of fun to be had with #NHLCupcakes. These were mine:

Marc-Andre Fleury: Sweet, flaky, often tasty, but OH GOD STAY IN THE WRAPPER!
Martin Brodeur: Big enough to share with your sister.
Sidney Crosby: It only looks super-sweet and plain vanilla.
Brooks Orpik: Comes with Free Candy sprinkles, may damage internal organs.
Daniel Carcillo: Can be eaten without incisors, but tainted with rat hairs.
And the one my wife liked best:
The Detroit Red Wings: Bitter old ginger

Given all this, I wanted some cupcakes. L'Ailee bought me vegan chocolate-orange cupcakes from one of NYC's many, many cupcake shops for my birthday in March, but she can't remember which one. So really, my only choice is to get baking. (Hey, grocery stores need support, too!)

Non-vegetarians tend to get all lemon-faced at the mention of vegan baked goods, but if I'm going to be eating them, I can't really bake anything else. To make these, I blatantly ripped off a moist, tasty cake recipe at the Fat-Free Vegan Kitchen, poured it into a cupcake pan, then ripped off an orange frosting recipe from About.com Southern Food. These don't rise quite as high as regular cupcakes, but you won't care. L'Ailee and her best friend sure as hell didn't!

Vegan Chocolate-Orange Cupcakes

1 1/2 cups unbleached flour
1 1/2 cups white whole wheat flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup cocoa
1 teaspoon cinnamon
3/4 cup soy yogurt
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup fresh orange juice (I used Florida's Natural with pulp instead, because it's summer.)
2 tablespoons grated orange peel

Spray a muffin pan with non-stick spray and dust the cups lightly with unsweetened cocoa. Preheat oven to 350F.

Combine the flours, sugar, baking soda, salt, cocoa, and cinnamon in a large mixing bowl. Add the yogurt, vanilla, balsamic vinegar, water, and orange juice. Beat by hand or with a mixer on low speed just until well-combined, about 1-2 minutes. Stir in the grated orange peel, and pour into the prepared pan.

Bake for about 20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the middle of one comes out clean. Cool in the pan for 5 minutes, then pull out, using a knife if necessary. Cool the rest of the way on a wire rack. Then ice with...

Orange Frosting

4 tablespoons softened margarine
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
3 cups powdered sugar
3 to 4 tablespoons orange juice
finely grated zest of 1 orange

Beat margarine with vanilla until light and well blended; beat in powdered sugar slowly. Add a few tablespoons of orange juice and the orange zest. Beat and add more orange juice as needed to make the frosting spreadable.

Hungry yet? No, I don't know which hockey player or team those cupcakes should be compared with.

Pina Colada Pie for Pensburgh

There was talk of having a baked goods recipe exchange at Pensburgh today among some of its Twitter users. (Thanks for the idea, @CariGoPens!) My favorite pastry has always been pie. This is a very summery one that won't heat up your kitchen too much. I had to make it tonight. It is actually half of an absurdly complicated recipe I found in Food and Wine magazine a few years back, poured into a pre-made pie crust. Even though this is a cocktail blog, there's no alcohol, sorry!

Pina Colada Pie

Nilla wafer pie crust, pre-made or homemade

COCONUT CREAM
2 1/2 cups unsweetened coconut milk
2/3 cup sugar
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 vanilla bean, split, seeds scraped
2 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tablespoons water

POACHED PINEAPPLE
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 cups water
10 thin lemon slices, seeded
1/2 vanilla bean, split, seeds scraped
One 3-pound pineapple—peeled, cored, and cut into 1/2-inch cubes (4 cups)

MAKE THE COCONUT CREAM: In a medium saucepan, combine the coconut milk with the sugar, butter and vanilla bean and seeds and bring to a simmer. In a small bowl, dissolve the cornstarch in the water; whisk the mixture into the coconut milk and cook over moderate heat, whisking constantly, until thickened, about 5 minutes. Discard the vanilla bean. Pour the coconut cream into a shallow bowl, press plastic wrap directly on top of the cream and refrigerate until chilled, about 2 hours.

MAKE THE POACHED PINEAPPLE: In a medium saucepan, combine the sugar, water, lemon slices and vanilla bean and seeds and bring to a boil, stirring until the sugar dissolves. Add the pineapple and cook over moderate heat until the fruit is translucent, about 15 minutes. Transfer the pineapple and its cooking liquid to a bowl and refrigerate until chilled, about 2 hours.

MAKE THE PIE: Spoon pineapple onto bottom of pie crust. Spoon coconut cream on top of pineapple. Serve and eat!