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Just because the Penguins' season is over doesn't mean the NHL season is over. Like me, many of you have probably decided that you may as well keep watching and see who wins the Stanley Cup. I knew the Chicago Blackhawks versus the Philadelphia Flyers was going to be difficult to watch. Game 1 last night proved me absolutely correct. NBC was at least considerate enough to bring in Ryan Miller as a commentator to balance the Flyers' collective ugliness. But as both goalies became sieves, the teams traded leads, and Scott Fucking Hartnell* scored, that wasn't quite enough.

When NBC broadcasted Penguins games during the regular season, I responded by posting recipes for blender drinks, mostly high-octane. The cocktails I post here are meant to be quick beer alternatives that can be fixed during intermission or right before the game. But nobody minds if one runs the blender while Pierre McGuire or Mike Milbury are talking, right?

A favorite high-octane drink of mine is the classic Zombie, which I based Salvaging the Game on during a particularly miserable game against the Vancouver Canucks. It certainly seemed appropriate for suffering through this series. However, I also wanted something cold and slushy. Also, I didn't want to track down a bottle of apricot brandy which I'd have to blow the dust off of before I could open it. Also, I had, as usual, lots of good fresh fruit and half a bottle of bourbon in the house . So I tweaked the basic recipe once again and made a...zombie-rita? Zombie-quiri? Either way, it's gonna get me through the rest of this horrid series just fine. The name reflects the reason to drink it.

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1 apricot, peeled and seeded
1/2 cup cubed pineapple, fresh or canned
2 ounces orange juice
2 ounces light rum
1 1/2 ounces dark rum
1 1/2 ounces bourbon
1/2 ounce Bacardi 151 (or other 151-proof) rum
2 handfuls of ice

Put the fruit and juice into the blender with 1 handful of ice; blend for about 15 seconds. Add all the liquor, excpt for the 151-proof rum, and the other handful of ice. Blend another 15 seconds. Pour into a tall glass. Float the 151-proof rum on top. Take a sip whenever a Flyer scores or NBC *sniff, sniff, sob* shows footage of Sidney Crosby hoisting the Cup.

* Isn't it amazing how, despite their varied ethnicities, Scott Hartnell shares a middle name with Chris Pronger, Alex Ovechkin, Martin Brodeur, Jimmie Johnson, and Carl Edwards?

Salvaging the Game

I very seldom drink to get drunk. My cocktail recipes tend to reflect my preference for getting relaxed, not hammered. However, last night's game against Vancouver called for something stronger than the Lucky 13 I started with. Oh, it had such promise at first. Evgeni Malkin finally broke his goal-less streak in the first period--it was weird and fluky, but we screamed over it anyway. L'Ailee was born and raised in Siberia, and though she loves her Red Wings, her real loyalties lie with "all good Russian players." We didn't know she'd find another Russian player to love very soon.

InjuryFest 2009/10 claimed the Penguins' goalies. Our solid backup goalie Brent Johnson had a groin injury. Then Marc-Andre Fleury broke a finger on his glove hand during the Edmonton game. The Penguins called John Curry up from the Wilkes Barre/Scranton team. No problem--Curry's good for the Baby Pens, and he was solid when Pittsburgh needed him last year. But just in case, they signed up Alexander Pechursky, a 19-year-old Russian WHL goalie, for a one-day contract. Basically, Pechursky would have an awesome view of the Penguins/Canucks game...right?

Curry would let two Canucks goals freak him out and shrink in the net, very quickly allowing a 2-1 lead by the Canucks to become a 5-1 lead. The game wasn't even halfway over. I was masochistic loyal enough to see if the Pens could at least close the gap some. It was time for a Zombie. I have a fondness for classic tiki bar drinks, and Zombies are my favorite way to get real hammered real quick. But I didn't have everything for a proper Zombie and wasn't about to go out on a Brooklyn street at midnight to get dark rum and apricot brandy, even if the liquor store is ten steps away from my place. So, like the Penguins, I improvised. As Pechursky was put in goal, I fixed a lazy woman's Zombie in my kitchen. Like Pechursky in his cheap-ass mask, misspelled jersey, and borrowed pads, it actually turned out pretty damned good!

I considered several names for this drink. "Lazy Zombie," which probably fits the defense poor Curry got. "The Little Goalie Boy," as my wife called Pechursky twice. Then there was "Oh, Make It Stop," "Don't They Know They Don't Have Fleury?", and, as I exclaimed several times in the second period, "Fuck Me Raw!" But as my head cleared this morning, I settled on...

Salvaging the Game

1/2 ounce Bacardi 151 rum (or other 151-proof rum)
1 ounce pineapple juice
1 ounce orange juice
1/2 ounce lime juice
1/2 ounce cherry liqueur
3 ounces light rum

Shake all ingredients except 151-proof rum with crushed ice. Pour, ice and all, into a Collins glass. Pour 151-proof rum on top. Don't stir, just drink. Hope, hope, hope that you don't feel compelled to fix this again for the rest of the season.

Bruins Fan for a Day

Happy New Year to all y'all!!!

Like any self-respecting Penguins fan, I hate the Philadelphia Flyers with all my heart. Yet I enjoy the Winter Classic, even though it's a blatant gimmick and I don't have a dog in this hunt. So I decided I'm going to be a huge Boston Bruins fan today. My future stepdad loves his Bruins and thinks I'll be converted. I don't see it. I love that Sidney Crosby and Max Talbot's new Reebok commercial with the infamous dryer will be played during the game. Don't you know the Flyers' fans are going to enjoy the hell out of that?!

Probably many of you don't want a cocktail at all. You had plenty last night and would just like some coffee. (We like to mix it with hot chocolate at my house.) I actually don't like to drink when lots of people around me are, and my insistence on keeping a clear head when most people aren't means I've got champagne chilling in my fridge. This is how I'm going to use it this afternoon. It's actually two recipes in one, and will get rid of some leftovers.

We begin with something L'Ailee's uncle taught me. It's a holiday tradition at his house. I suppose you could chill peppermint schnapps or something, but I really liked this.

Candy Cane Vodka

2 ounces vodka
2-3 ice cubes
1 medium peppermint candy cane, broken in pieces

Put all of the ingredients in a cocktail shaker, then shake like crazy for a couple of minutes until the vodka is cold and a milky light pink color. Strain out the ice and candy pieces; pour. By itself, it could make a decent shooter. Or make a....

Winter Classic

2 ounces Candy Cane Vodka
About 3-4 ounces of chilled champagne

Pour Candy Cane Vodka into champagne flute. Fill flute with champagne. As with the Worst Coach in the NHL, cheap and cheerful champagne is probably best for this.

Hummus for Hockey at Home

It's a wonderful experience--and for us, a rare one--to see hockey games at the arena. Most of the time, our seats are Center Ice. That's a good thing, too. Watching at home means we don't have to worry about lines to the bathroom (which is clean), and we can kiss to celebrate goals, and we have a much wider variety of food and drink available.

I actually kinda missed hummus at Mellon and Joe Louis, seriously. Our friends like it lots when they come over to watch. With pita chips, pretzels, or cut-up vegetables, it's a lot healthier than other snacks we could have. We appreciate this. I don't know about y'all, but I can't have straight-up junk food for every hockey game. After all, L'Ailee and I each love a different team. Factor in a NASCAR race (a/k/a my first sports love) every weekend for nine months, and I could quite easily become one of those people on Discovery Health who needs to be taken out of their home with a crane if I'm not careful about what I eat.

So, tonight we'll be having hummus while we watch the Penguins versus the Buffalo Sabres. It seemed to me like my favorite hummus should be the first of those occasional food recipes I promised. You can get it pre-packaged, but it's so much cheaper to make it, and you can tailor it to your tastes. Stick tap to Saad Fayed from About.com Middle Eastern Food, because he has a world of variations on hummus and he makes it really easy. I adapted this from one of his recipes. Mine's a bit thicker than the original, though.

Roasted Red Pepper and Garlic Hummus

1 can of chick peas/garbanzo beans (15 oz)
1/4 cup tahini
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1/2 cup -3/4 cup roasted red peppers (depending on taste)

Drain and rinse chick peas (this will reduce sodium slightly and eliminate any tinny taste.) In a food processor, combine chick peas, tahini, lemon juice and olive oil. Process until smooth. Add red peppers and garlic until desired consistency.

Garnish with parsley. Serve warm with hot pita bread, toasted pita chips, pretzels, or vegetables.

Roasted red pepper hummus can be made up to two days in advance and stored in an airtight container in the refrigerator. Heat up in microwave or on stovetop to serve.

Hopefully tonight's game will have me adapting another element of Middle Eastern culture at home--namely, belly-dancing during intermission to celebrate how awesome the Penguins are doing! Let's go Pens!

The Noted Goal Scorer

Before he came to the Pittsburgh Penguins this year, Mike Rupp was known as a big guy who wouldn't back down from a fight, but never as a goal scorer. This began to change when he put on the sweater with the hockey playing penguin. His young son wanted Rupp to score a goal for his birthday. On a weird, wild November 30th, while other players were injuring their own goalies and taking themselves out with knee-on-knee hits, the man who is now known as noted goal scorer Mike Rupp got his first-ever career hat trick and broke the Penguins' Madison Square Garden curse. Since he didn't get to do it on hat night at his new team's home arena, he deserved more of a celebration. This, the result of my brother and I wondering why iced tea isn't used as a mixer more often, just seemed right.

The Noted Goal Scorer

1 shot Tanqueray Rangpur or other lime-flavored gin

About 6-8 ounces brewed Earl Grey tea

Teaspoon of lime juice

Sugar or Splenda to taste

Combine ingredients in a tumbler half filled with ice, stir. It gets no easier.

As you can imagine, the lime flavor is strong in this one, and we meant it that way. You can always use plain tea or gin, or leave the lime juice out.

Bloody Eric

This one was just inevitable! Eric Godard's fight with Chris Neil late in the November 19 game against the Ottawa Senators managed to overshadow the returns of both Max Talbot and Sergei Gonchar. It took a bit of the sting out of the loss.

I hate Bloody Marys and certainly didn't drink this during the game. While I'm being honest, I may as well admit that I initially put wasabi into a Bloody Mary that a friend of mine had made for himself to punish him for a joke that cut too deep. Insensitive jerk that he was, he liked it! We tinkered with the recipe and came up with this, which I renamed for my fellow and sister Pens fans.

Since I initially posted this, I learned that wasabi Marys have actually been pretty trendy for a while! (Trust me, whenever I hit something trendy, it's an accident.) However, I still think the liquid smoke defies ordinary. Garnish it how you like.

Bloody Eric

1 1/2 oz. vodka

1 can V8 juice

1 dash ginger

2 dashes wasabi

2 dashes liquid smoke

Fill a highball glass with ice. Build liquid ingredients in glass, starting with vodka, then adding V8 juice until the glass is full. Add spices and liquid smoke to taste. Stir until spices are blended in. Drink up.