Captain's Punch

Questions have been swirling around the Penguins throughout this depressing first round of playoffs, but the main one is, "Why are the Penguins so dang cute and cuddly?" Oh, wait, that's not it. The main one is, "What the hell happened to them?" Watching the Penguins combine porous defense with outright thuggery was embarrassing for fans at best. And Sidney Crosby, usually a good leader, was right in the thick of it.

But let's have some fun with this. We're going to want something strong for Game 4. Something that tastes almost as good coming up as it does going down, if things come to that. In light of our captain's aggression, Captain's Punch, a Southern classic, somehow seems right.

Captain's Punch

1/2 oz spiced rum (like Captain Morgan)
1/2 oz amaretto almond liqueur
1/2 oz Southern Comfort
2 1/2 oz orange juice (no pulp is best)

Fill a highball or old-fashioned glass with ice cubes. Pour all ingredients into it. Stir fast, drink slow.

Cursed Third Jersey

"Blue" should really be a category in itself here, because I have an unnatural fondness for unnaturally blue drinks. But Penguins fan @BangBangPenguin suggested on Twitter that I make yet another and name it after the allegedly cursed new blue third jerseys. (Frankly, I got a Sidney Crosby one for Christmas 2010--one of the best gifts my mother ever gave me--and have only worn it once. You know why.)

So, once again, time to get out the trusty blue curacao and drink up. We'll probably need it.

Cursed Blue Jersey

1 ounce blue curacao
1/2 ounce Goldschlager
1 ounce white rum
2 ounces light ginger ale (Canada Dry, Northern Neck, etc.)

Mix the blue curacao, Goldschlager, and white rum in a shaker with a handful of ice (preferably crushed). Pour, ice and all, in an old fashioned glass. Top with ginger ale. Stir very lightly.

NOTES ON INGREDIENTS: I only suggest Goldschlager because of the gold flakes, which suggested "Vegas Gold" to me. Any other cinnamon schnapps would do. Coconut-flavored rum is also tasty in this. As for the ginger ale, a darker and richer variety such as Vernor's or Blenheim's would be delicious, but muddy the color, thereby not making it match the cursed blue jerseys anymore.

Painkiller for Trade Week

Hockey's over for the summer, but there's still a lot going on in Penguins Nation. There are the optimistic reports: Sidney Crosby's working out twice a day, like he did in summers before the concussion! Evgeni Malkin's healing up from his ACL surgery really well! Dan Bylsma swears he's working on the power play! The Philadelphia Flyers finally got a decent goalie, but jettisoned their best forwards to pay for him!

Then there are the moments when we realize how different our own team will look very soon. Tyler Kennedy became an unrestricted free agent today, after writing his resume late last season. Max Talbot turned down an offer from Ray Shero. Rumors of Jaromir Jagr's possible return have longtime fans getting jumpy. And as I write, something else may have happened.

So. We need something good and strong. Something to take away the pain we'll be feeling as we refresh Twitter and our favorite Pittsburgh Penguins forums the next few days. I can't think of anything better than the Painkiller, a terrific tiki classic. The following is the traditional recipe, though the proportions of the non-liquor ingredients can be played with to make a stronger or weaker (and still quite tasty) drink.

Painkiller

2 ounces dark rum
4 ounces pineapple juice
1 ounce coconut cream
1 ounce orange juice

Shake with a few ice cubes, then strain into an tall glass filled with ice. Sprinkle ground nutmeg on top.

If you feel like working a little harder, I've been enjoying this rum-infused Painkiller sorbet as well.

NOTE ON INGREDIENTS: The original recipe calls specifically for Pusser's dark rum. I don't endorse any brand, and have had no problem with other brands. Fresh orange juice is also recommended, but it's hard to come by this time of year. Any good not-from-concentrate orange juice with a bit of pulp will work.

Justin Deffrey

Yes, I know that the Pittsburgh Penguins' *former* AHL call-up, who was recently given the chance at the full-time NHL role he deserves, is named Dustin Jeffrey. But fans and announcers alike sometimes get confused and want to call him "Justin." It really happens after a drink or three.

Jeffrey's two goals last night, one in the first period and the game-winning goal in overtime, were sweet by any name. The Penguins have still gone over a month without winning in regulation, but in the past couple of weeks, it seemed like they were getting either one pity point or nothing. The team and the fans needed a win badly, and Jeffrey delivered. He and Jordan Staal snapped the Boston Bruins' seven-game winning streak.

I decided to toss together random ingredients during the second intermission because I was craving something tiki-ish and I didn't want to walk the streets of Brooklyn on Saturday night. I always have dark rum and cherry liqueur in my kitchen, and I like cream of coconut more than is good for me. You'll probably have a hard time with anyone's name after this.

Justin Deffrey

2 ounces dark rum
2 ounces cream of coconut
1 ounce cherry liqueur
1 ounce pineapple juice
dash allspice

Pour all ingredients in cocktail shaker with a handful of ice. Shake for about 30 seconds. Pour the resulting drink into a hurricane glass mostly filled with ice, preferably crushed.

Reverend Lovejoy

Ben Lovejoy, a rookie defenseman who's familiar to Wilkes-Barre/Scranton fans, had himself an interesting game against the Florida Panthers last night. He got into his first NHL fight, scored his first NHL goal, and received his first NHL stitches after inadvertently blocking a shot with his face. The 5-2 win might have happened without him, but it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun. That deserves some recognition.

I was in love with variations on the caipirinha, the national cocktail of Brazil, last season. It's fruit crushed with cachuaca or clear rum, basically. But recently, I wanted to try something a bit different. No fruit, just spices. It doesn't look pretty, but it came out awesome.

Reverend Lovejoy

2 1/2 ounces cachuaca or white rum
1/2 inch of peeled, fresh ginger root, cut into slices
1 cinnamon stick, broken in half
2 teaspoons sugar
crushed ice

After you prepare the ginger root and cinnamon stick, place at the bottom of a wide-mouthed glass. Add sugar. Pour in cachuaca or rum. Muddle spices. (A wooden spoon works best for this.) When the spices are blended in, fill the glass with crushed ice.

Letestu Limeade

Yes, yes, we all know Sidney Crosby is brilliant and blossoming into the hockey god potential people have known he had since he was a kid. The write-ups of last night's game included his name in the headlines. The 11-game win streak wouldn't have happened without his amazing 17-game point streak.

But, you know, Mark Letestu also scored two goals against the Toronto Maple Leafs last night. Along with Chris Conner, he's the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton call-up who I want to have a permanent place on the roster. He's worked hard on a small yet very feisty line with Conner and Tyler Kennedy.

I chose to name this after him because the alliteration was just plain irresistable. I loved Captain Morgan Lime Bite since I tried it this summer. Essentially, this is a spiked Sonic limeade, so if you live by a Sonic, you can just buy one and stir Lime Bite into it. But this is easy.

Letestu Limeade

1 can (12 ounces) lemon-lime soda
Half of a lime
2 1/2 ounces Captain Morgan Lime Bite
crushed ice

Fill a large tumbler halfway with crushed ice. Squeeze the lime over the ice, taking care not to let too many seeds get into the glass. (Pulp's fine.) Pour in the Lime Bite, then the lemon-lime soda. Stir gently.

Staal-Healing Rum

I wasn't going to post this here. Sometimes I get complicated, and that doesn't seem right for this blog. Things like the lavender limoncello I made this summer are So Not Hockey. But when I mentioned that I'd made rum infused with pumpkin and spices on my Twitter account, a couple of my Penguins fan tweeps were very interested. So I'm posting the recipe here.

You can use this rum in many ways. I combined it with cream soda last night, which made the Penguins' first pre-season loss more bearable. Actually, I think my eyes rolled back, it was so good.

It won't be ready for the start of the season. You need at least 5 days to let the flavors really get into the rum; I let it go a week. You'll have quite a bit of the pie pumpkin left, so this is good if you're also planning to make something else with pumpkin.

One of those Penguins-fan tweeps suggested naming this after something else that's going to be worth waiting for--the healing of Jordan Staal's foot! I know I'm looking forward to that, as much as I looked forward to drinking this all week. This may not actually have curative properties, but you won't care.

Staal-Healing Rum

Small pie pumpkin
1 vanilla bean
2 cinnamon sticks
About 5 whole cloves
1 750 ml/quart bottle dark rum

Cut the pie pumpkin into pieces and remove seeds. Use a vegetable peeler to shave several thin ribbons, about 5 inches long, off a piece of pumpkin. Break the cinnamon sticks and vanilla bean in half.

Place pumpkin ribbons, cinnamon sticks, vanilla beans, and cloves in a 1 1/2 quart glass container. (Pitcher, jar, etc.) Seal tightly. Put it in the fridge or not, but do not touch for at least 5 days! Use as you want (straining out pumpkin and spices, of course) after that.

If you use vodka instead of rum, the flavor's a bit different, but it makes awesome martinis for Halloween.

Driver 14

"Stupid risks are what make life worth living."--Homer Simpson

Yes, this is still a hockey blog. But it's also still off-season. Many hockey fans coped with summer by turning to baseball (not fun for Pittsburgh sports fans). Some enjoyed the World Cup. Some are thrilled that football's back. And then there are a few of us who like NASCAR, meaning that we always get to watch at least one sport we enjoy.

I was a NASCAR fan first--took me a couple of years to stop referring to a hard check into the boards as "putting him into the wall"--and the love of my sports-watching life is Tony Stewart. Yesterday he had one of the strongest cars at the Loudon, New Hampshire race track. He came painfully close to winning, but he and his crew had taken a gamble on fuel, and he ran out on lap 298. Unfortunately, it was a 300-lap race, and stupid Clint Bowyer won it. Stewart came in 26th at 5 mph on fumes. Of the 12 drivers eligible to win the Sprint Cup championship this year, Stewart starts the Chase for the Championship, a/k/a "playoffs", in 11th place. Y'all better believe I cried.

I like many of the same things about the Penguins and Tony Stewart. Stewart thrives on adversity, even if he has to make it himself. His face is easier to read than the Cat in the Hat, a quality I also love about Sidney Crosby. He's quirky and funny. He'll piss me off, break my heart in three places, make me shake my head, but never, ever bore me. And then there are those lovely occasions when he cuts the bullshit, summons up his abundance of natural talent, and wins big. That makes days like yesterday worth it.

How boring would it be to watch a driver, player, or team who didn't make you sick occasionally? If you don't want your emotions taken from the mountaintop to the ocean floor and back, don't watch Tony Stewart or the Penguins. Don't watch racing or hockey, for that matter. Try Dancing with the Stars or some lame nonsense like that instead.

Oh, yes, and there's a recipe. This is what I've been drinking most weekends this summer. Who else would I name it after?

Driver 14

About 5-6 ounces cherry soda (Boylan's, Cheerwine, and Dr. Brown's are good)
2 ounces Captain Morgan Lime Bite
Lime wedge
Crushed ice

Half-fill a large tumbler with crushed ice. Pour in the rum, then the soda. Stir gently. Squeeze juice from lime wedge into drink.

Next post is about pre-season hockey--hell yeah!!!!

Housecleaning

Hockey's coming back! The Penguins are coming back! No, really! So I decided to organize my blog a little bit better, update my links list, and finally make my logo grammatically correct. If you think I should link to your blog or someone else's, please let me know.

The roster's not completely set yet, but there will be some changes. We say goodbye to several players, with varying degrees of enthusiasm: Mark Eaton, Sergei Gonchar, Bill Guerin (okay, I keened over him for a day on my Twitter account, don't judge me), Jordan Leopold, and Alexei Ponikarovsky. The drinks I named after them are under the "past Penguins" tag.

We say hello to Arron Asham (several tomato juice baths and a Little Tree around his neck will help with the Flyer stink), Paul Martin, and Zbynek Michalek. I look forward to getting inspired by them, and any other new additions to come. Also, I completely forgot to name one after Alex Goligoski! I'll be fixing that next season.

While you wait and bite your nails, maybe you'd like a drink. This milkshake is nice and cold while it's hot outside, but uses good autumn-y flavors.

Taste of Hockey Season

1 scoop black walnut ice cream (butter pecan will do if you have to)
2 ounces bourbon
1 ounce milk
1 tablespoon pure maple syrup (maple/agave blend is a cheaper substitute)

Pour all ingredients into blender; blend until everything's mixed. Pour into a glass and drink immediately.

This one is perhaps a bit better for you, but it's cool and tasty and has an excellent green color.

Summer Street Hockey

1/2 cucumber, peeled
1 cup honeydew melon, in chunks
2 ounces light/white rum
1 ounce Midori melon liqueur
Handful of ice cubes

Blend all ingredients in blender until everything's the same consistency. Pour and drink immediately.

SCF10

Just because the Penguins' season is over doesn't mean the NHL season is over. Like me, many of you have probably decided that you may as well keep watching and see who wins the Stanley Cup. I knew the Chicago Blackhawks versus the Philadelphia Flyers was going to be difficult to watch. Game 1 last night proved me absolutely correct. NBC was at least considerate enough to bring in Ryan Miller as a commentator to balance the Flyers' collective ugliness. But as both goalies became sieves, the teams traded leads, and Scott Fucking Hartnell* scored, that wasn't quite enough.

When NBC broadcasted Penguins games during the regular season, I responded by posting recipes for blender drinks, mostly high-octane. The cocktails I post here are meant to be quick beer alternatives that can be fixed during intermission or right before the game. But nobody minds if one runs the blender while Pierre McGuire or Mike Milbury are talking, right?

A favorite high-octane drink of mine is the classic Zombie, which I based Salvaging the Game on during a particularly miserable game against the Vancouver Canucks. It certainly seemed appropriate for suffering through this series. However, I also wanted something cold and slushy. Also, I didn't want to track down a bottle of apricot brandy which I'd have to blow the dust off of before I could open it. Also, I had, as usual, lots of good fresh fruit and half a bottle of bourbon in the house . So I tweaked the basic recipe once again and made a...zombie-rita? Zombie-quiri? Either way, it's gonna get me through the rest of this horrid series just fine. The name reflects the reason to drink it.

SCF10

1 apricot, peeled and seeded
1/2 cup cubed pineapple, fresh or canned
2 ounces orange juice
2 ounces light rum
1 1/2 ounces dark rum
1 1/2 ounces bourbon
1/2 ounce Bacardi 151 (or other 151-proof) rum
2 handfuls of ice

Put the fruit and juice into the blender with 1 handful of ice; blend for about 15 seconds. Add all the liquor, excpt for the 151-proof rum, and the other handful of ice. Blend another 15 seconds. Pour into a tall glass. Float the 151-proof rum on top. Take a sip whenever a Flyer scores or NBC *sniff, sniff, sob* shows footage of Sidney Crosby hoisting the Cup.

* Isn't it amazing how, despite their varied ethnicities, Scott Hartnell shares a middle name with Chris Pronger, Alex Ovechkin, Martin Brodeur, Jimmie Johnson, and Carl Edwards?

Cleaning out the Lockers--the Shot Blocker

What else for Jay McKee but something that will have you taking lots of shots in one go? Those familiar with this blog know that when I want to get more than lightly toasted--like, oh, if the unthinkable happens and the Flyers are contending for the Cup, knock on wood--I head in the direction of the tiki bar.

The Shot Blocker

3 ounces pineapple juice (fresh if possible)
3 ounces orange juice
1 1/2 ounces Grand Marnier or other orange liqueur (NOT blue curacao)
1 1/2 ounces dark rum
3 ounces bourbon
Crushed ice

Blend all ingredients in a blender for a few seconds, or shake if your shaker's big enough. Fill a big glass about three quarters of the way with crushed ice. Pour the liquid into it. Make sure the number of the local cab company's programmed into your cell phone.

Superstar Daiquiri

Honestly, sometimes I come up with a cocktail and just wait for a particular Pittsburgh Penguins player (say that five times fast!) to "earn" it. So it was with this one. I fixed it over a month ago right before a game, just because I thought it would look cool, and it tasted good, too. I immediately thought of Max Talbot. But it wasn't the playoffs yet, so it had to wait a bit. He's been awesome against the Ottawa Senators in this first round, though, hasn't he? Last night, when he scored that shorthanded goal, there was no doubt that the Superstar was back and in fine postseason form.

Longtime (and unusually attentive) readers may have seen me post things about how I like to take advantage of in-season fruit, how I understand that nobody wants to go chasing all over town for ingredients, how I like to keep things easy, and how I hate garnishes. But as Talbot would no doubt tell you himself, he's a special case and worth a bit of extra effort during the playoffs. We're at the tail end of kiwi season. Fresh starfruit's pretty hard to find--what you'll get right now is grown in hothouses, and can probably only be found in Asian markets and/or stores in larger cities. Starfruit's pretty bland-tasting and is basically only there so I could get the "super star" garnish, so two kiwis would actually be better if you want to save time and money. Either way, it has a cool, almost poisonous-looking yellowish-green color that Talbot would probably love in a shirt.

Superstar Daiquiri

1 1/2 ounce light (a/k/a "white") rum
1 ounce Midori melon liqueur
1 kiwifruit, peeled and sliced in half
1 starfruit, sliced horizontally and peeled. (Save biggest piece for garnish.)
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon sugar

Pulse all ingredients in a blender until they're thoroughly mixed. Add a handful of ice cubes; blend until the drink's cold and frothy. Pour into a tall glass. Garnish with starfruit slice on the rim. Don't wait too long to drink it!

Out of the Penalty Box!

I have got to be more careful when I pride-bet. But the 24 hours with that awful, awful red-and-white color scheme are OVER! So, I hope, are the Washington Capitals tomorrow night. The Caps may be a bit distracted--wonder why?

As I said, I'll be drinking Crosby Sucks in honor of the chants we'll be hearing all week. However, I thought of what I want to be chanting at my TV. This isn't my recipe--it's a classic cocktail that I enjoyed in my early twenties on the rare occasions when I really, really wanted to get hammered. Basically, it's jungle juice, but since it's blue and tastes citrusy, I loved it.

Adios Motherfucker

1 ounce gin
1 ounce light rum
1 ounce tequila
1 ounce vodka
1 1/2 ounce blue curacao liqueur
2 ounces sweet-and-sour mix
1 ounce lemon-lime soda

Shake all the alcohol plus sweet-and-sour mix in a shaker. Pour into tall glass with ice. Float lemon-lime soda on top.

"Oh, God, McGuire's talking."

Another week, another Sunday afternoon Penguins game on NBC. This time, the Pens take on the Detroit Red Wings! This means either way, L'Ailee and I will be kissing to celebrate every last goal, so I'm kinda hoping both goalies are sieves and the Penguins win by, like, 11-10. I have also pride-bet. L'Ailee's best friend loves the Wings, too. If the Pens win, his daughter and I get to decorate his cab with Penguins-iana so he and his customers can enjoy it all Monday. If *shudder* the Wings win, I have to turn this page red and white all Monday and post the official recipe for the Detroit Red Wing cocktail. Let's go Pens!!!

Have I mentioned that there needs to be a cocktail worthy of being called the Pittsburgh Penguin yet? I'm still soliciting suggestions. Something black and/or Vegas gold, maybe? Or something really Pittsburgh? How about something that'll start out awesome, make you sick in the middle, then make you really glad you stuck with it until the end?

Anyway. Some of you may feel that it's too early to drink (and if you're in Detroit or further west, you're probably right.) Some of you may not want a cold drink, since it's pretty damned cold in many parts of the US already. But some of you might really want to run the blender while the idiots on NBC are talking and get yourself into a mellower frame of mind. To this end, I post another blender drink.

You know how that Verizon commercial with the hockey teams stranded in an airport with an icy runway is pretty cool even though the teams are the Washington Capitals and the Philadelphia Flyers? This is kinda like that. I hate bananas, with a passion, and I can tolerate this. Other people I know really like it. Essentially, it's most of a Bananas Foster dessert--no flambe-ing, sorry--turned into a daiquiri.

Bananas Foster Daiquiri

1 whole ripe banana
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 heaping teaspoon brown sugar
2 ounces dark rum
1/2 cup crushed ice

Break the banana into several pieces. Put all ingredients in the blender. Blend at a low speed for a few seconds, then on high until everything's together and the drink is firm. Pour into a cocktail glass.

"It's NBC, go ahead and run the blender"

I hope that I don't ruin it by typing this out, but I'm pretty confident that the Pittsburgh Penguins will win tomorrow's game against the Philadelphia Flyers even though it's in the afternoon. You see, I have a pretty good track record. Every month this season, there's been a game late in the month that I've had to miss because I was unavoidably busy doing something else, whether it was clubbing in Orlando with friends I hadn't seen in a year or watching the Detroit Red Wings with L'Ailee at Joe Louis. Inevitably, as I was getting drawn into a bar fight with some woman who thought I was stealing her boyfriend (won it, by the way) or whining because I'd paid to watch the Wings get their asses handed to them, the Pens would have themselves an amazing game that I'd have to learn about via text updates.

Tomorrow, I will be performing with other members of my belly-dancing class. I am extremely nervous, because there will also be actual Middle Eastern women who've danced all their lives in that room and I am at the shallow end of the talent pool. No way in hell can I get out of it, especially since I have a tandem performance with my best friend in addition to my solo. I will have to watch everyone else, and I will be expected to stick around for tea and snacks with my instructor. Our guys lost against the Flyers the last time. They lost the first game of the season against the Washington Capitals on Thursday. They can't be anything but motivated tomorrow. I fully expect that while I'm dancing to the Revels' "Comanche" and hopefully not tripping over my own feet, the Penguins will be playing on fire.

I'm gonna be drinking herbal tea and lots of it. I hope somebody has a Crosby Sucks for me. (It seems like that's the signature drink of this blog, at least for the moment.) But since y'all are going to have to endure NBC's hockey commentary in order to watch this game, you might want something that makes it a little more bearable. Something that involves running the blender to drown their gang of idiots out during intermission. Something like the Pensacola Bushwacker, a true Floridian original that is so bad for you in so many ways that it's excellent. Some people say you should use half-and-half, some people say ice cream, and some people say both. I come down firmly on the "ice cream" side.

Pensacola Bushwacker

4 oz cream of coconut
2 oz Kahlua
1 oz dark rum
1 oz creme de cacao
1/2 cup vanilla ice cream

Pour all ingredients into a blender with two cups of ice, and blend until completely mixed. Serve in a hurricane glass.

And, for another multi-recipe post, a cocktail that is somewhat less horrible for you, but probably much more horrible for your jersey, couch, and carpet if you're not careful. Tasty, though. This is something my sister-in-law likes to do with cheap red wine. Her name for it seems more appropriate for Flyers hockey than anything I can think of, too.

Punch in the Mouth

3/4 cup merlot or shiraz
3/4 cup frozen berries. (Raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, or a combination of those will work)
1/2 cup pomegranate juice

Put all ingredients into blender; blend until completely mixed. Serve in a hurricane glass or large tumbler. You notice that there is no ice in this one. This is why I emphasize that the berries should be frozen...and, of course, your blender should be strong enough to handle such a job.

Salvaging the Game

I very seldom drink to get drunk. My cocktail recipes tend to reflect my preference for getting relaxed, not hammered. However, last night's game against Vancouver called for something stronger than the Lucky 13 I started with. Oh, it had such promise at first. Evgeni Malkin finally broke his goal-less streak in the first period--it was weird and fluky, but we screamed over it anyway. L'Ailee was born and raised in Siberia, and though she loves her Red Wings, her real loyalties lie with "all good Russian players." We didn't know she'd find another Russian player to love very soon.

InjuryFest 2009/10 claimed the Penguins' goalies. Our solid backup goalie Brent Johnson had a groin injury. Then Marc-Andre Fleury broke a finger on his glove hand during the Edmonton game. The Penguins called John Curry up from the Wilkes Barre/Scranton team. No problem--Curry's good for the Baby Pens, and he was solid when Pittsburgh needed him last year. But just in case, they signed up Alexander Pechursky, a 19-year-old Russian WHL goalie, for a one-day contract. Basically, Pechursky would have an awesome view of the Penguins/Canucks game...right?

Curry would let two Canucks goals freak him out and shrink in the net, very quickly allowing a 2-1 lead by the Canucks to become a 5-1 lead. The game wasn't even halfway over. I was masochistic loyal enough to see if the Pens could at least close the gap some. It was time for a Zombie. I have a fondness for classic tiki bar drinks, and Zombies are my favorite way to get real hammered real quick. But I didn't have everything for a proper Zombie and wasn't about to go out on a Brooklyn street at midnight to get dark rum and apricot brandy, even if the liquor store is ten steps away from my place. So, like the Penguins, I improvised. As Pechursky was put in goal, I fixed a lazy woman's Zombie in my kitchen. Like Pechursky in his cheap-ass mask, misspelled jersey, and borrowed pads, it actually turned out pretty damned good!

I considered several names for this drink. "Lazy Zombie," which probably fits the defense poor Curry got. "The Little Goalie Boy," as my wife called Pechursky twice. Then there was "Oh, Make It Stop," "Don't They Know They Don't Have Fleury?", and, as I exclaimed several times in the second period, "Fuck Me Raw!" But as my head cleared this morning, I settled on...

Salvaging the Game

1/2 ounce Bacardi 151 rum (or other 151-proof rum)
1 ounce pineapple juice
1 ounce orange juice
1/2 ounce lime juice
1/2 ounce cherry liqueur
3 ounces light rum

Shake all ingredients except 151-proof rum with crushed ice. Pour, ice and all, into a Collins glass. Pour 151-proof rum on top. Don't stir, just drink. Hope, hope, hope that you don't feel compelled to fix this again for the rest of the season.

Staal's Shorthanded Breakaway

The Pittsburgh Penguins' power play may still need work, but we've got a pretty awesome penalty kill, and we've got Jordan Staal. His shorthanded breakaway was the third Penguins goal in the first period of the December 15th game against the Philadelphia Flyers. The Flyers would never recover from that two-goal deficit. Staal further dashed any hope they had with an even-strength goal in the second period. It was beautiful, and so is this cocktail.

Actually, this is a personal favorite of mine that didn't have a name. I fixed it again for myself last night because a NYC winter had me feeling a little homesick for Florida. (That's right--a Florida Cracker in New York City. The Penguins have a reach far beyond Pittsburgh!) It is a spin on the classic Brazilian caipirinha, twisted and twisted again until it squealed. I think the blue curacao really adds something--like, you know, blue color and orange flavor. Some of you may not like tiki-ish blue drinks, and that's okay. But what Penguins fan doesn't love the sight of something orange getting crushed?

Staal's Shorthanded Breakaway

1/2 ounce blue curacao

1 ounce light rum

2-4 orange wedges (depending on your taste and the size of the orange)

2 teaspoons sugar

Place orange wedges and sugar into an old-fashioned glass and muddle together. (A wooden spoon works best.) Fill the glass with crushed ice. Add rum, then blue curacao. Stir the liquids together.

Cookie Monster

On November 16, the night the Pittsburgh Penguins played the Anaheim Ducks, I wanted to make something blue to match the blue alternate jerseys. Plus, Matt Cooke deserved to be celebrated for his two goals! The blue color and Cooke's name came together when I named this drink. It looks a bit fussy. It certainly violates my cocktailing mentor's "count the ingredients on one hand" rule. But essentially, it's a Sonic Ocean Water with rum, something I often enjoyed when I lived close to a Sonic. I added a lower-calorie option because most hockey fans don't have the metabolisms of professional hockey players.

Cookie Monster:

1 ounce light rum
2 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon sugar or Splenda blend
1 teaspoon imitation coconut extract
3 drops blue food coloring, give or take
1 12-ounce can cold lemon-lime soda
ice

Mix water and sugar in a small bowl. Stir to dissolve. Add coconut extract and food coloring to the syrup. Stir well.

Combine blue syrup with lemon-lime soda. Add rum. Stir. Pour over ice into tumbler.