Adios Motherfucker, Redux

I'd love to be welcoming Sidney Crosby back with a peanut-butter-and-jelly shooter, but that's most likely not going to happen. We don't get Matt Cooke back unless the Penguins go to the second round, and Evgeni Malkin is still on the mend. So. Our boys need to use the forces they have. We've seen them do it for months now, to much better effect than they have the past two games.

I've posted this classic drink recipe before, but it's even more appropriate now that the Tampa Bay Lightning forced a Game 7 in the quarterfinals. Birds of the Burgh suggested on Twitter last night that I make a drink for a team facing elimination and make it strong. Nothing else seems more right than this.

While you're making this Wednesday evening, one of my favorite fight songs: "Comanche", by the Revels.

Adios Motherfucker

1/2 oz vodka
1/2 oz light rum
1/2 oz silver tequila
1/2 oz gin
1/2 oz blue curacao liqueur
2 oz sweet and sour mix
2 oz lemon-lime soda

Pour all the ingredients except for the lemon-lime soda into a chilled glass filled with ice cubes. Float soda on top. Stir gently.

Let's grind these bitches down!

Arron Appreciation

When Arron Asham first came to the Pittsburgh Penguins from the Philadelphia Flyers, I was among the skeptics. I joked about how Asham would have to "wash the Flyers stink off with tomato juice," as one does when they're sprayed by a skunk.

When Asham scored his second goal of the playoffs against the Tampa Bay Lightning last night, it occured to me that he deserved a drink. This is a variation on the Highland Mary or Mary, Queen of Scots, which uses Scotch instead of vodka. I don't like Bloody Marys of any description, but after all, Asham needs that tomato juice. I also don't eat meat. That said, it can't all be citrus, spice, and everything nice here at Cocktails with the Penguins, and a friend of mine really liked this, so some of you may, too.

Arron Appreciation

1 1/2 ounces Scotch
1/2 cup tomato juice
2 tablespoons lime juice
2 dashes Tabasco Chipotle sauce
dash Worcestershire sauce
2 regular-size pieces Slim Jim or similar beef jerky

Combine all liquid ingredients in a shaker with a handful of ice. Snap one of the jerky pieces in half, and add that to the shaker to flavor the drink. Shake until blended. Strain into a tall glass half-filled with ice. Use the other piece of jerky as a garnish/swizzle stick.

Ingredient note: The flavors in here are so rich, there's no need to waste a truly great Scotch on this. Go ahead and use the cheap stuff.

Carrot Top on a Dare

MouthGuard, a frequent reader/commenter, dared me to make a drink and name it "Carrot Top" in, um, honor of the Philadelphia Flyers' Scott Hartnell. Since I am superstitious enough to make Sidney Crosby shake his head and say "Damn, girl," or whatever they say in Nova Scotia, there was no way in hell I'd try it until the Stanley Cup was safely in the Chicago Blackhawks' hands. (Anything but a Flyers win, was my philosophy.) I tend to Google recipe ideas so nobody can come here and tell me that, for example, the drink I named after Brooks Orpik was first created by Pierre McGuire, named "Leadership," and has been served in Philadelphia's best sports bar for years. Turns out there's already a cocktail called Carrot Top. I'm sure it's fine, but I had other ideas.

The "carrot" made me think of something that would taste like carrot cake in a glass. This cocktail purports to do that, but you'll see that something crucial is missing--namely, carrot. So I started with carrot juice. Also, I wanted to do something with Absolut Brooklyn, which is flavored with red apple and ginger. Frankly, I'd have liked it better in the fall and don't think there's anything particularly "Brooklyn" about this flavor combination, but it's good.

I came up with this. The Frangelico adds a bit of nuttiness and creaminess. Though it's martini-sized and worked nicely in a martini glass, I don't think it qualifies as a martini. My cocktail mentor sure wouldn't think so. Whatever it is, it matches Scott Hartnell's hair and his team's uniforms, but isn't nearly as repulsive as the Flyers organization or most of its players. Since it's the off-season, I'd even serve Hartnell one if he could swear he understands that Penguins are opponents, not food.

Carrot Top

2 ounces carrot juice
2 ounces Absolut Brooklyn vodka
1 ounce Frangelico
Dash or two of cinnamon
Cinnamon sugar to rim the glass

Combine all ingredients except cinnamon sugar in a cocktail shaker with 2 or 3 ice cubes. Shake thoroughly. Place cinnamon sugar on a plate; moisten the rim of a martini glass with water. Dip rim of glass into cinnamon sugar to coat. Strain liquid into martini glass.

Note on ingredients: I don't like to specify brands if I can avoid it--nobody's paying me to advertise for them and I don't want any perception that I am unless the company is actually delivering product to my home. However, I don't think any adequate substitutes for the liquors mentioned here exist.

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Just because the Penguins' season is over doesn't mean the NHL season is over. Like me, many of you have probably decided that you may as well keep watching and see who wins the Stanley Cup. I knew the Chicago Blackhawks versus the Philadelphia Flyers was going to be difficult to watch. Game 1 last night proved me absolutely correct. NBC was at least considerate enough to bring in Ryan Miller as a commentator to balance the Flyers' collective ugliness. But as both goalies became sieves, the teams traded leads, and Scott Fucking Hartnell* scored, that wasn't quite enough.

When NBC broadcasted Penguins games during the regular season, I responded by posting recipes for blender drinks, mostly high-octane. The cocktails I post here are meant to be quick beer alternatives that can be fixed during intermission or right before the game. But nobody minds if one runs the blender while Pierre McGuire or Mike Milbury are talking, right?

A favorite high-octane drink of mine is the classic Zombie, which I based Salvaging the Game on during a particularly miserable game against the Vancouver Canucks. It certainly seemed appropriate for suffering through this series. However, I also wanted something cold and slushy. Also, I didn't want to track down a bottle of apricot brandy which I'd have to blow the dust off of before I could open it. Also, I had, as usual, lots of good fresh fruit and half a bottle of bourbon in the house . So I tweaked the basic recipe once again and made a...zombie-rita? Zombie-quiri? Either way, it's gonna get me through the rest of this horrid series just fine. The name reflects the reason to drink it.

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1 apricot, peeled and seeded
1/2 cup cubed pineapple, fresh or canned
2 ounces orange juice
2 ounces light rum
1 1/2 ounces dark rum
1 1/2 ounces bourbon
1/2 ounce Bacardi 151 (or other 151-proof) rum
2 handfuls of ice

Put the fruit and juice into the blender with 1 handful of ice; blend for about 15 seconds. Add all the liquor, excpt for the 151-proof rum, and the other handful of ice. Blend another 15 seconds. Pour into a tall glass. Float the 151-proof rum on top. Take a sip whenever a Flyer scores or NBC *sniff, sniff, sob* shows footage of Sidney Crosby hoisting the Cup.

* Isn't it amazing how, despite their varied ethnicities, Scott Hartnell shares a middle name with Chris Pronger, Alex Ovechkin, Martin Brodeur, Jimmie Johnson, and Carl Edwards?

Cleaning out the Lockers--the Ukraine Train

I wish I had more to say about Alexei Ponikarovsky and Ruslan Fedotenko. Really, I do. If either or both come back, I look forward to the opportunity to get to know them well. If not, well, safe travels.

Watermelons and cucumbers are some of my favorite things about summer, and it's gonna be a long one. The watermelon one's named after Fedotenko 'cause it matches his cheeks.

Tenk Top Margarita

1 cup cubed, seeded watermelon
1 1/2 ounces gold tequila
1 ounce triple sec
1 teaspoon lime juice
Handful of ice

Blend all ingredients in a blender until good and slushy. Pour into a chilled margarita glass.

Pittsburgh Poni Daiquiri

1 cucumber, peeled and sliced
1 1/2 ounces vodka
Handful of mint leaves
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon lime juice
Handful of ice

Blend all ingredients in a blender. Serve in a tall glass.

Cleaning out the Lockers--the Shot Blocker

What else for Jay McKee but something that will have you taking lots of shots in one go? Those familiar with this blog know that when I want to get more than lightly toasted--like, oh, if the unthinkable happens and the Flyers are contending for the Cup, knock on wood--I head in the direction of the tiki bar.

The Shot Blocker

3 ounces pineapple juice (fresh if possible)
3 ounces orange juice
1 1/2 ounces Grand Marnier or other orange liqueur (NOT blue curacao)
1 1/2 ounces dark rum
3 ounces bourbon
Crushed ice

Blend all ingredients in a blender for a few seconds, or shake if your shaker's big enough. Fill a big glass about three quarters of the way with crushed ice. Pour the liquid into it. Make sure the number of the local cab company's programmed into your cell phone.

Cleaning out the Lockers--the Backup Goalie

It's over. Damn it. But there are still a few items of business. I intended to name a cocktail after everyone who played for the Pittsburgh Penguins in the 2009-2010 season. I am missing four: Ruslan Fedotenko, Brent Johnson, Jay McKee, and Alexei Ponikarovsky. (I do not recognize Chris Bourque.)

This is a drink I made out of necessity. It is similar in execution to my SIL's "Punch in the Mouth," which was her way of dealing with half a bottle of sub-par syrah. What I had was sub-par New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and a lot-lot of strawberries. Due to weather conditions, the market is awash in good, cheap strawberries, plus this had to be the year that I first successfully grew some myself in my container garden. The puckery-citrusy white wine and the strawberries played pretty nicely together, actually, so much so I want more this spring.

As a backup goalie, Brent Johnson was by definition called upon to help salvage a sub-par effort and keep resources from going completely to waste. He did a pretty decent job of it, including last night against the Montreal Canadiens. This therefore seems to fit.

The Backup Goalie

1 cup strawberries, cleaned, hulled and sliced in half
1 cup cheap New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc
1 teaspoon sugar or Splenda
Handful of ice

Blend all ingredients to a puree in the blender. Pour into a tumbler. Easy.

Grilling is good for your hockey team

I haven't posted a single recipe during the semifinals, and we've already seen the Pittsburgh Penguins and Montreal Canadiens play Game 4. (I'd prefer to just wipe that from my memory.) A lot of it is because nobody's really stood out yet. In some ways, this is a good thing. Versus had a cool statistic Thursday night--the 11 Penguins goals during this series so far were scored by 11 different Penguins players. This means we have some depth and most everyone on the ice is doing what they need to most of the time. In other ways...well, there are some issues that need to be worked on, including giving the Habs too damned much space. Also, Sidney Crosby has been as bottled up and frustrated as a teenage couple at a church youth group retreat.* As Penguins fans, we know that won't last forever. There's absolutely no reason why the Penguins can't take the Habs to school. Determination is a wonderful thing, but it can only go so far, and the Penguins have some, too.

My mother hasn't watched much hockey since she left Michigan for Florida in the early 1970s. Last year, she found it strange-sounding when I mentioned that I was grilling before a Penguins playoff game. Apparently hockey never used to be played when the weather called for grilling. Things have, of course, changed significantly since the 1970s. I decided then and there that a fan's grilling before a hockey game is a very good sign for their team. It means they're going deep into the playoffs and that much closer to the Cup. (Or else it means you're a Florida Panthers fan. Whatever.) The even better best thing is if your team keeps it going into June, so you wind up making salsa out of good fresh tomatoes and peppers before the game.

Anyway! Should the rain leave Brooklyn in time before Game 5, I'm grilling all kinds of yummy things this afternoon. The people who like to come to my house to watch games and races have varied tastes--meat eaters and vegetarians, those who love spicy things and those who can't stand them, Penguins fans and Red Wings fans. But everyone agrees on this recipe. It's not a cocktail, but it is sweet and involves a splash of rum. I hope to be making this before a few more Penguins games this postseason.

Grilled Pineapple Skewers

1 fresh pineapple
3 tablespoons dark rum
1/2 tablespoon lime or lemon juice
1 cup maple syrup
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon cardamom
12 wooden or bamboo skewers


Cut the pineapple into 1 inch square chunks, or get it done for you where you buy it. (I try to do the latter whenever I can.)

Stir the rum, spices, lime juice, and maple syrup together. Lightly coat pineapple chunks with the syrup mixture. Wet the skewers some, then thread the pineapple chunks onto them. After you've licked and washed that yummy syrup off your fingers, brush the pineapple skewers with the syrup mixture one more time. Grill on a clean grill (or aluminum foil) for about five minutes, until it gets soft.

These are terrific on vanilla ice cream, or Greek yogurt if you're trying to healthify it a little. Spoon any leftover syrup mixture on top of that.

Ingredient notes: If you can't afford to use maple syrup that way, try a maple/agave mixture, mixing maple with honey, or just plain orange blossom honey. The honey will give it a different (but still very good) flavor. Whatever you do, please don't do like one of my friends and use that travesty sold as "breakfast" or "pancake" syrup!

*Yes, I used that simile on another forum. Like I'm gonna let it go to waste.

Superstar Daiquiri

Honestly, sometimes I come up with a cocktail and just wait for a particular Pittsburgh Penguins player (say that five times fast!) to "earn" it. So it was with this one. I fixed it over a month ago right before a game, just because I thought it would look cool, and it tasted good, too. I immediately thought of Max Talbot. But it wasn't the playoffs yet, so it had to wait a bit. He's been awesome against the Ottawa Senators in this first round, though, hasn't he? Last night, when he scored that shorthanded goal, there was no doubt that the Superstar was back and in fine postseason form.

Longtime (and unusually attentive) readers may have seen me post things about how I like to take advantage of in-season fruit, how I understand that nobody wants to go chasing all over town for ingredients, how I like to keep things easy, and how I hate garnishes. But as Talbot would no doubt tell you himself, he's a special case and worth a bit of extra effort during the playoffs. We're at the tail end of kiwi season. Fresh starfruit's pretty hard to find--what you'll get right now is grown in hothouses, and can probably only be found in Asian markets and/or stores in larger cities. Starfruit's pretty bland-tasting and is basically only there so I could get the "super star" garnish, so two kiwis would actually be better if you want to save time and money. Either way, it has a cool, almost poisonous-looking yellowish-green color that Talbot would probably love in a shirt.

Superstar Daiquiri

1 1/2 ounce light (a/k/a "white") rum
1 ounce Midori melon liqueur
1 kiwifruit, peeled and sliced in half
1 starfruit, sliced horizontally and peeled. (Save biggest piece for garnish.)
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon sugar

Pulse all ingredients in a blender until they're thoroughly mixed. Add a handful of ice cubes; blend until the drink's cold and frothy. Pour into a tall glass. Garnish with starfruit slice on the rim. Don't wait too long to drink it!

The Annual Goal

My basil's coming up next week, I'm sure of it! Hopefully I'll be drinking this cocktail with some of those leaves as the Penguins continue in the playoffs. I have faith that they will, though, as much faith as I do in my basil, despite the fact that they lost Game 1 of the first round to the Ottawa Senators last night.

One of the reasons why I have faith is the fact that Craig Adams scored his annual goal. What a wonderfully well-timed goal it was, too. It brought the Penguins back from the 2-4 brink and energized the fans at Mellon Arena. I might have been bouncing on the couch shrieking, "Hell yeah, we can DO THIS!" I may be a bit late by my own standards, but I'm not letting that go unnoticed.

I put this together last summer. It's prepared like a mojito, but...well, not exactly. My decision to try basil because it was ready and the mint wasn't led me to a few other substitutions, though the end result *looked* like a mojito. The flavor, however, is refreshingly different. Enjoy!

The Annual Goal

2 ounces gin
handful of fresh basil leaves
1 scant tablespoon sugar
About 1/2 ounce lemon juice
2 ounces club soda

Put basil leaves in the bottom of a large glass. Fill halfway with crushed ice. Add gin, sugar, and lemon juice, then muddle the basil. (I like a wooden spoon best for this.) Top with soda water.

Note on ingredients: I usually use Sugar in the Raw, a/k/a demerara, for a regular mojito with mint, lime and rum. It'll be distractingly, jarringly sweet here. Plain white sugar works best.